When I was flying to Portland two weeks ago I was reading through a magazine (Cosmo) and came across an article called "The Rise in Young Divorcees". I'd link to it but apparently Cosmo didn't put it on their site?
I wasn't surprised by what I read because it made total sense.
The article explained that "40 % of brides who say their vows between their 20th and 25th birthdays can expect to renege on the "till death" promise (compared to 27% of those who wait until they're older). Lurking behind that statistic is a little-talked-about trend: According to relationship counselors, there seems to be a sudden spike in the number of smart, confident, successful women who feel driven to get married as soon as possible-whether or not they've found the right guy."
It goes on to say "These aren't high-school-dropouts or women who think they need a man to be happy. They're self-assured, independent types who are just trying to live their best life." In fact, it's their desire to have it all that backfires."
After reading the article I actually think it makes a good point. I never saw it from the "having it all" aspect because to me marriage isn't about that. But I do see how it has turned this way.
I think in today's society we have this thing where we have to have our life to-do list checked off by a certain age. College, Career, Marriage, Kids, etc. There seems to be such a rush in getting these things and competing with others for them.
What do you think?
Since I'm a "young divorcee" statistic (it's still weird to say that!) I'm interested in knowing what y'all think about this.
I think you need to give 100% to your marriage (we both did as we've beat this thing to death) but now days most people just get married and think oh well there is always divorce. Luckily you and I now have awesome BF's who have our views on marriage. lol
I completely identify with that article. As another young-divorcee, I sometimes struggle with the label. I have moments when I feel I've failed because I did let my marriage go. But at the end of the day, I know I made the right decision & that there is a reason for everything.
I think it sounds like there is a lot of truth to that article. I do think that our generation is pretty obsessed with having EVERYTHING asap. We hate waiting and I think all of us have ingrained ideas of what we think we need to accomplish by a certain age.
Though I'm not married, I have struggled SO MUCH with thinking that I don't have to be under age 30 to have kids or that I may not be married by my 30th birthday. So yeah, I think there's a lot of truth to this study.
Both my husband and I come from divorced families, so divorce is something that has shaped us both dramatically. While I'm only four years into my marriage, and still have a long long way to go, my husband and I have always said our number one goal is not to be like our parents.
Marriage is hard, and while I'm someone that often rushes into things to check them off my list, marriage wasn't the case. My husband and I had been together for almost eight years on the day we said "I Do," and honestly, I never thought twice about our commitment.
Being someone that likes to have it all, I can totally see where this stat comes from. And while it breaks my heart to see so many marriages fall apart, I really hope this is a stat that can turn around.
I'm proud that I got married young (23), and I look forward to spending a long happy life with my husband.
I think there's a lot of truth to that. The pressure is pretty crazy, even more so if you live in certain places with a culture wrapped up in marriage. Edging closer to thirty, I have to remind myself that I'm actually pretty normal not being married or having the kids I thought I would by now. Although those are the things I've always wanted more than anything else, I am grateful that I didn't try to make them happen with the wrong person just to get them.
I'm married. I definitely think we rushed into it. I jump into things pretty quickly in general. And, once you're a 20-something girl, out of college, a few friends get married and you're bombarded with marriage stuff on tv/online/magazines/etc...it's pretty easy to hop on the marriage train and not even realize what you're getting into! (I think that's also part of the problem, so few people really realize what they're getting themselves into before marriage..unless they've been together a long, long time and have lived together for a while too.)
I also have a lot of friends who (and we're all under 30) feel like they're getting crap because they're not married. (I can see getting crap from older generations, but some of it is coming from our generation, and mostly from other women who are married.)
My boyfriend's ex was 21 when they got married and 24 when she left and he filed for divorce. I was engaged at 23 and now I'm really glad I didn't get married (as painful as the breakup was) because I don't think I was ready for marriage or had truly picked the right person, but it was just the "next step." If I had gotten married I'd either be miserable or divorced by now. I really think there is a rush to do so many things by a certain age and we don't go into such important things being as prepared as we should be. I just read the 5 Love Languages and am now reading Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by the same author (Gary Chapman) and I'm seeing how important education is going into a marriage. A lot of the things seem common sense, but unless you think about them, I think marriage will be hard and so many people give up, leading to higher divorce rates as well. Sorry for the ranting comment, but that's just my opinion!
I can totally understand that statistic. I'm 29 and it's sad the number of friends I have that are divorced.
I too am in that age range as I got married at 22. But we're still here going on 7 years! People these days just want to have a wedding a think, not a marriage. They want the ring, the dress, the big party. BUt at the end of the day you have to put all the planning and work into your marriage as well!
If I could have gone back and done it all over, I would have waited for sure... I knew then I was not ready. Should have listened to my gut. Oh well. You live and learn.
Oh the pressure! We got married at 23 and that was 3 years ago and it was a great decision. But now, it seems like if you don't have kids within 2 years of your wedding, you're doing something wrong. And it's not even pressure from parents or society, but from the fact that EVERYONE has a baby and if I'm 26 and I don't, there's something wrong with me.
I think it also has a huge thing to do with women, and men in their early 20's still growing as adults. I'm not the same girl I was in my early 20's. I'm not even the same girl I was in my mid 20's. Through those years I learned quickly what I would, and wouldn't put up with from men, and what I liked and didn't like about dating, men or myself. I've changed a lot. My root, soul, inner person is still true to my roots but in the end I can see a huge change and growth in me as a person and an adult. If I went back to my 20 something self, I'd tell her to get away from the man that was talking about marriage that I almost ended up considering marrying because no one else was coming along... until I met my current husband. He made me realize what I was missing, what I needed and what I wanted in life. Im happy I waited until I was in my 30's to get married. I don't think all women married young won't make it, I think quite a few will. I think it boils down to, are you happy with who you are, or do you see yourself growing, changing and doing different things. I'm miles from the girl I was, and miles from liking the kind of guys I did back then. I'm sure you've felt a change, seen your experience open your eyes etc since you got married right? I do think the trend to have it all does exisit but I think it truly boils down to the fact that we aren't the same people at age 20 that we are at age 30, 40, or 50. we have to grow up, and find someone willing to grow WITH us.
my best friend is a young divorcee and i stood beside her as she said her vows a few years ao. through her, I know how hard it is to finally come to that decision and how to deal with life afterwards, but like you, she is so much happier and making her own life for herself day by day :)
I read a similar article in Glamour and actually posted about it a few weeks ago. It makes me sad to see so many young marriages fail. Especially watching my baby sister go through a divorce. I only hope that by waiting (hey just b/c Prince Charming got lost doesn't mean the waiting wasn't my choice!) that I'll have better luck when I do finally get married.
I'd say that seems to sound a bit right. I think part of mine was searching for something to fill an emptiness also. I think you have to be happy just as things are before you can be happy with someone else. No matter what someone else can't make you happy, they can only add to it. I was talking to a gal the other day and she was saying that at least 3 people that got married after they did (almost 5 years ago) are already divorced. That is just nuts. I think my BIL said it best after he married my SIL when someone joked about how if it didn't work out they could get divorced and he replied back that the word is not in his vocabulary and so it wouldn't be an option.
14 comments:
I think you need to give 100% to your marriage (we both did as we've beat this thing to death) but now days most people just get married and think oh well there is always divorce. Luckily you and I now have awesome BF's who have our views on marriage. lol
I completely identify with that article. As another young-divorcee, I sometimes struggle with the label. I have moments when I feel I've failed because I did let my marriage go. But at the end of the day, I know I made the right decision & that there is a reason for everything.
I think it sounds like there is a lot of truth to that article. I do think that our generation is pretty obsessed with having EVERYTHING asap. We hate waiting and I think all of us have ingrained ideas of what we think we need to accomplish by a certain age.
Though I'm not married, I have struggled SO MUCH with thinking that I don't have to be under age 30 to have kids or that I may not be married by my 30th birthday. So yeah, I think there's a lot of truth to this study.
Sucks, but it's true.
Both my husband and I come from divorced families, so divorce is something that has shaped us both dramatically. While I'm only four years into my marriage, and still have a long long way to go, my husband and I have always said our number one goal is not to be like our parents.
Marriage is hard, and while I'm someone that often rushes into things to check them off my list, marriage wasn't the case. My husband and I had been together for almost eight years on the day we said "I Do," and honestly, I never thought twice about our commitment.
Being someone that likes to have it all, I can totally see where this stat comes from. And while it breaks my heart to see so many marriages fall apart, I really hope this is a stat that can turn around.
I'm proud that I got married young (23), and I look forward to spending a long happy life with my husband.
I think there's a lot of truth to that. The pressure is pretty crazy, even more so if you live in certain places with a culture wrapped up in marriage. Edging closer to thirty, I have to remind myself that I'm actually pretty normal not being married or having the kids I thought I would by now. Although those are the things I've always wanted more than anything else, I am grateful that I didn't try to make them happen with the wrong person just to get them.
I'm married. I definitely think we rushed into it. I jump into things pretty quickly in general. And, once you're a 20-something girl, out of college, a few friends get married and you're bombarded with marriage stuff on tv/online/magazines/etc...it's pretty easy to hop on the marriage train and not even realize what you're getting into! (I think that's also part of the problem, so few people really realize what they're getting themselves into before marriage..unless they've been together a long, long time and have lived together for a while too.)
I also have a lot of friends who (and we're all under 30) feel like they're getting crap because they're not married. (I can see getting crap from older generations, but some of it is coming from our generation, and mostly from other women who are married.)
My boyfriend's ex was 21 when they got married and 24 when she left and he filed for divorce. I was engaged at 23 and now I'm really glad I didn't get married (as painful as the breakup was) because I don't think I was ready for marriage or had truly picked the right person, but it was just the "next step." If I had gotten married I'd either be miserable or divorced by now. I really think there is a rush to do so many things by a certain age and we don't go into such important things being as prepared as we should be. I just read the 5 Love Languages and am now reading Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by the same author (Gary Chapman) and I'm seeing how important education is going into a marriage. A lot of the things seem common sense, but unless you think about them, I think marriage will be hard and so many people give up, leading to higher divorce rates as well. Sorry for the ranting comment, but that's just my opinion!
I can totally understand that statistic. I'm 29 and it's sad the number of friends I have that are divorced.
I too am in that age range as I got married at 22. But we're still here going on 7 years! People these days just want to have a wedding a think, not a marriage. They want the ring, the dress, the big party. BUt at the end of the day you have to put all the planning and work into your marriage as well!
If I could have gone back and done it all over, I would have waited for sure... I knew then I was not ready. Should have listened to my gut. Oh well. You live and learn.
Oh the pressure! We got married at 23 and that was 3 years ago and it was a great decision. But now, it seems like if you don't have kids within 2 years of your wedding, you're doing something wrong. And it's not even pressure from parents or society, but from the fact that EVERYONE has a baby and if I'm 26 and I don't, there's something wrong with me.
I think it also has a huge thing to do with women, and men in their early 20's still growing as adults. I'm not the same girl I was in my early 20's. I'm not even the same girl I was in my mid 20's. Through those years I learned quickly what I would, and wouldn't put up with from men, and what I liked and didn't like about dating, men or myself. I've changed a lot. My root, soul, inner person is still true to my roots but in the end I can see a huge change and growth in me as a person and an adult. If I went back to my 20 something self, I'd tell her to get away from the man that was talking about marriage that I almost ended up considering marrying because no one else was coming along... until I met my current husband. He made me realize what I was missing, what I needed and what I wanted in life. Im happy I waited until I was in my 30's to get married. I don't think all women married young won't make it, I think quite a few will. I think it boils down to, are you happy with who you are, or do you see yourself growing, changing and doing different things. I'm miles from the girl I was, and miles from liking the kind of guys I did back then. I'm sure you've felt a change, seen your experience open your eyes etc since you got married right? I do think the trend to have it all does exisit but I think it truly boils down to the fact that we aren't the same people at age 20 that we are at age 30, 40, or 50. we have to grow up, and find someone willing to grow WITH us.
my best friend is a young divorcee and i stood beside her as she said her vows a few years ao. through her, I know how hard it is to finally come to that decision and how to deal with life afterwards, but like you, she is so much happier and making her own life for herself day by day :)
I read a similar article in Glamour and actually posted about it a few weeks ago. It makes me sad to see so many young marriages fail. Especially watching my baby sister go through a divorce. I only hope that by waiting (hey just b/c Prince Charming got lost doesn't mean the waiting wasn't my choice!) that I'll have better luck when I do finally get married.
I'd say that seems to sound a bit right. I think part of mine was searching for something to fill an emptiness also. I think you have to be happy just as things are before you can be happy with someone else. No matter what someone else can't make you happy, they can only add to it. I was talking to a gal the other day and she was saying that at least 3 people that got married after they did (almost 5 years ago) are already divorced. That is just nuts. I think my BIL said it best after he married my SIL when someone joked about how if it didn't work out they could get divorced and he replied back that the word is not in his vocabulary and so it wouldn't be an option.
Post a Comment