A few days ago Gina posted on her blog about a Storyline that her and other women in her "Women's Class" were given to do.
I was intrigued. So naturally I waited for the questions to be posted and answer them myself.
Gina talks about her "aha" moments. I had a lot of "Oh shit" moments.
You see. When I was writing down the questions I allowed myself certain amount of room to answer them.
On the "Positive" side I wrote the questions down and only left one line to answer.
On the "Negative" side I left a good three or four lines to answer.
That right there tells you I think I have more negative than positive to my storyline.
As I got deeper into the questions I got to thinking more and more "holy crap..there IS a theme."
I have been more effected by my growing up and my mothers death than I really thought.
I've been "glossing" it over apparently.
I didn't think about it until answering the questions. It was my "aha" moment I suppose.
I also noticed that I experienced more joy after having Kinsley.
While I had joy growing up, I think it was overshadowed by the fact that my mother was an angry alcoholic. Therefore, I don't really have "joyous" memories of that time.
In my storyline, the things that make me happiest are watching Kinsley grow, seeing myself grow, and seeing myself be able to hold my own all while still having a big heart.
Edit: It's a few days after I started this post.
I was kind of taken aback by what I realized.
You might think "why? what's the big deal they are just questions."
That they are but they are also eye opening questions, especially this time in my life when I'm wondering the what ifs and the what nows.
You don't really grow to know yourself when you're with someone. You are too busy focusing on them, on that relationship.
During the beginning of my separation and the end of my divorce I've learned a lot of things about myself.
I learned that I do have a heart.
Maybe it was Kinsley that brought it out but none the less I'm no longer a tin man. ha!
I've learned that I don't actually have to have control over everything.
I thought I did when I was married but that was because his personality was so dependent and so different than mine.
I don't actually have to have it. I'm okay not wearing the pants most of the time.
It's actually refreshing.
What I already knew was that I'm feisty. I'm a little bit abrasive. I'm strong minded.
There were more eye openers and "a ha" moments but I'm not ready to share those quite yet.
I suppose I can say this to more than one person who has shaped me in some way.
You've made me stronger, wiser, made my skin a little bit thicker, and you've made me smarter.
So this post spoke to me in many ways because I can completely relate. I was in a horrible relationship prior to Allen and I had so many negatives during that time. Now that I'm in a positive relationship I see things so differently. I won't go into all the stuff with my family (which you know about) since that would be like a therapy session!
Thank you for sharing this and I do believe that we're all just a part of God's master plan.
Of course you have a heart! I love this post and your sharing as you walk along this journey. It's uplifting and gives so many people hope that they need.
I'm liking your new look girl! This is the new blogger "stuff" right?
2 comments:
So this post spoke to me in many ways because I can completely relate. I was in a horrible relationship prior to Allen and I had so many negatives during that time. Now that I'm in a positive relationship I see things so differently.
I won't go into all the stuff with my family (which you know about) since that would be like a therapy session!
Thank you for sharing this and I do believe that we're all just a part of God's master plan.
Of course you have a heart! I love this post and your sharing as you walk along this journey. It's uplifting and gives so many people hope that they need.
I'm liking your new look girl! This is the new blogger "stuff" right?
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