It's hard to grasp that I'm not married anymore. That I'm not a wife. I'm just a single mom and on my own now.
Never did I think that I would be saying this at 25. I don't think anyone does, especially the single mom part.
To me that's the hardest part of today. I walked out of the courthouse stunned at how fast it was over. I drove over the bridge and it hit me that I'm not married anymore. I don't have my rings on anymore. When I make phone calls I won't be saying "my husband".
Not that I want to but for four years that's what I've done. It's been my routine. My life.
It's amazing to me that you spend so many months and so much money on this one day of your life that's supposed to last forever and in literally five minutes it's declared over. You can claim single now.
Bright side is that I get to start a completely new chapter. I get to move on and move forward. I'm not in limbo anymore. I also have a gorgeous little lady out of it and can't wait to see what life brings her! She is already making me one proud mama.
Edit: I do this a lot apparently. It's Thursday now and I can say that it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. It's almost like you're dealing with a death.
I suppose you are in some way since you've lost a husband. A family. A life you used to have.
While it's all good things in the end, it is still hard to deal with in the moment.
I've had my bouts of crying. Ugly crying. I've had my bouts of anger. Of being emotionless. Of eating a lot of chocolate. Of laughter. Really I've turned bi-polar with this. So in a lot of ways you are mourning. Good thing I look good in black!
Good news is that I'll be on the West Coast in two weeks. I'll be running another 13.1 miles in 3 weeks which is a long time to have to myself andtry not to die think. It'll be good! Lord knows Mr A needs me to run 13.1 miles for 4 hours so I don't go cray cray on him ;)
Let's hope I do better than 3 hours this time.
Now excuse me while I have some fudge to eat, coffee to drink, and a race to dread.
Happy Friday!
I suppose you are in some way since you've lost a husband. A family. A life you used to have.
While it's all good things in the end, it is still hard to deal with in the moment.
I've had my bouts of crying. Ugly crying. I've had my bouts of anger. Of being emotionless. Of eating a lot of chocolate. Of laughter. Really I've turned bi-polar with this. So in a lot of ways you are mourning. Good thing I look good in black!
Good news is that I'll be on the West Coast in two weeks. I'll be running another 13.1 miles in 3 weeks which is a long time to have to myself and
Let's hope I do better than 3 hours this time.
Now excuse me while I have some fudge to eat, coffee to drink, and a race to dread.
Happy Friday!
14 comments:
I really can't imagine what it feels like but I'm sure the mix of emotions you are feeling is totally normal. Anytime we end up doing something out of our "normal" it's an adjustment.
You will get through it! You have some exciting things coming up :)
Since we went through our divorces together (kinda) I can say you'll have the ups and downs. People think its so easy and to just "move on" it doesn't work like that. Having stuff to look forward to helps and awesome kids. ;) love you IBFF!
I'm sure all these emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It's not everyday that you think you've found the one and then in the blink of an eye it's all over with a big mess to clean up.
You just take your time mourning the loss of what you knew and enjoy the beautiful things/people/events/etc that God is placing in your life for the future. I know it's all good things from here on out.
I'm always here for you if you need to escape to TX anytime :) cause you know if I head to Florida I'm calling you up
I believe this is totally normal. A man you thought would be with you till the day you die now is not that man. It is okay to have these emotions. You have such a positive attitude though. You are always looking at the positives. This is an awesome quality!
What you're feeling is definitely normal, but I think you're doing a good job of keeping things in perspective, letting yourself grieve, and moving on to the next things in your life!
Darn it, I am sure it stinks but you are right you have a new chapter of your life to make and it is going to be one heck of a great one :)
Good Luck on your run you will do great! XO
Big hugs to you.. Welcome to the roller coaster of life! lolol
i hope everything gets better for you..i can only imagine.
good luck with your upcoming race! :)
Sending hugs your way! Praying for you as well :) Good luck on your race!!!
Good luck on your race! Where is this one at? I just did the Iron Girl half over in Clearwater.
Hey Sonja! I went through all of these same feelings when I went through my divorce. Mine started while I was pregnant and was actually the longest most painful divorce. You'll still have some sadness for a little while but I promise it becomes so much easier with each passing day. I raised my daughter alone until she was 2 and now I am remarried and things are going pretty good. So keep your head up and you will have a lot of amazing opportunites on the horizon!! If you ever want to talk or vent email me. :)
You've been so strong through this process, it's ok to feel...well to feel anything! It's an entirely normal process to treat a divorce as a loss, I'm glad you've come through it ok :) I've been saying little prayers for you and will continue to do so Sonja!
I am sure the rollercoaster of emotions are difficult and normal at the same time. I am so happy that you are doing what is best for you and K and praying that the mourning will end sooner than later and that the JOY will far outweigh any hurt and pain! :)
I'm so glad I just saw this post. I'm also newly single (although was never married) and dealing with the reality of bam, I'm a single Mom now. It helps to know there are others out there feeling the same way, going through the same odd rush of emotions, both bad and good. I always think of how many people stay in unhappy relationships and, even if I feel sad about it now, I know that ultimately I'm stronger for making this decision.
xoxo
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